I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
