her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
