He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
