Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
