So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
