i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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