Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
