just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
