I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
