You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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