I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
