i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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