but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
