dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
