You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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