Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
