Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
