She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
