3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
do nipples grow back?
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