tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
