so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
