...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to make out with him forever
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
