I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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