When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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