I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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