walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
