Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
