Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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