your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
