Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
