the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
