bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
