Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
