A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
