apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
