I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
