That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
