so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
