You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
