Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
