That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
