just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
