Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
