Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
