you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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