I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
