I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
