i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
