The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
