I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
